Valentine Musings

Ok, with it being Valentines Day, I feel obligated to write something about that. I'm not sure what, so we'll just see what comes as I type. Buckle up, this could be interesting. Consider this all of my random thoughts that come on a day like today.

First, my mom called and invited me out to dinner with her and my step dad. Hmm... usually I'm all about a free meal. But there is something pathetic about having dinner with mommy on Valentines Day. At least it feels that way. So I respectfully declined and made up some excuse about having friends over to watch Lost tonight. Then I set about making that happen. Thanks to the friends coming over for pizza and Lost later.

Yesterday,I helped film a show about an 800 lb lady going to get gastric by pass surgery. She has been bed-ridden for over a year. And she has a boy friend. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with me? Yes, there is some humor there, but there is also some realness. Taking this lady out of the picture (becasue really she is beautiful) I am still left with a feeling of "what is wrong with me." I haven't had a real date in I don't know how long. I know I'm supposed to trust in the Lord's sovereignty, and I do. But I can't help thinking, "why not even a date, Lord?" Why does no one want to date me? I don't really want to ponder that too much. It could reveal truth I don't want to know right now. E Harmony here I come.

OK, I have several married friends who like to say, "oh... this day isn't really a big deal for us, we really don't like Valentines Day and all of it's commercialism..." blah blah blah. Just so you all know, that doesn't really make a single person feel better. I personally think it's easy for you to say that. You have the opportunity to celebrate it as you wish, any day of the year (as you romantics like to claim). When that is the case I can see how you could grow tired of Valentines Day (and really, IS that the case?). In this case, I'd like the opportunity to grow tired of Feb. 14th. Of course, I am tired of Feb. 14th, but for altogether different reasons.

In honor of fellow singleton, Bridget Jones (please read with Rene Zellweger's british accent)-
"Feb. 14th - Valentines Day. Agh! 1**lbs (bugger!), 4 vodkas, and 2 packs of cigs and it's only noon. Off to smashing start!"

OK, really, despite what I've written and perhaps the tone above, I really am fine with this day. Yes, it brings up feelings of lonliness, but those crop up every so often anyway. And I do wonder why it hasn't been in the Lord's sovereign plan for me to be dating someone in the past 17 years and do I somehow put off men. But I think those thoughts other days as well. It's all part of being single and honest before the Lord about it. But the last thing I want to be is a bitter single person. And the three keys to avoiding that - at least in my estimation - are the following. One, complete trust in the goodness and blessing of my Savior. He has blessed me tremendously as a singleton and I freely embrace His blessing and am grateful and humbled for it. Two - community. Good friends who know me well, with whom I can be vulnerable with and who ask the hard questions. Authentic community I think leads to authentic praise and thanksgiving. And three - praise and thanksgiving. And I don't mean just praise and thanksgiving to my Lord, which I believe is crucial. But being thankful with my married friends. I must join in their celebrations. When friends get married - I must join in the happiness. When friends have children, I must enter into the joy. Real, authentic participation in the blessings of my married friends is necessary to keeping my heart free from bitterness.

So, in light of that - to all my non-single friends who read this - enjoy the day. Cherish your date or spouse. Love each other well. Celebrate the blessing you are to each other. And I'll celebrate with you. Metaphorically speaking, that is. I won't actually BE with you. That would be weird and awkward.