So, here I am, about to pack up and leave summer project and New Hampshire behind. I could be actually packing. I could be reflecting on all the Lord has done this summer. I could be hanging out with students. There are beaches and lobster and New England to enjoy a little bit longer, but instead, I’m watching “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” on TV. And it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.
But today I had a thought - “holy crap, I’m turning 33 in about 6 weeks and am still dateless.” And really there is no hope of a date with a viable option anywhere on the horizon. So nothing like a chick flick to wallow in a well of self pity and feed the fantasy that all singletons maintain. You know, the one where Mr. Right comes along and sweeps you off your feet, just like in the movies. And it would probably be raining because in the moves, water falling from the sky seems to make things more romantic, even if the girl’s hair falls to crap and mascara builds under her eyes and she looks like a hung over Elvira (remember her?). So, I go on living vicariously through Kate Hudson and Matthew McConneghy.
Well, that was entertaining. The movie is over now and I’m back to my own reality. And every time I am in this kind of mood, the thought that always comes to mind, at least lately, is this – am I believing in God’s goodness to me today? Because that is what this attitude rides on. If I am not believing his goodness, I will wallow in self pity and grow bitter. And really, I’ve seen too many friends who’ve remained single into their 30’s become bitter. That is not a journey I want to walk.
But if I am choosing, even by faith, to believe in His goodness, than I can choose to believe that me being single must be God’s best for me right now. And therefore by faith, I can trust Him. In fact, I can even, again by faith, choose to be thankful. And it is a thankful heart that I think will prevent a bitter heart.
So today, I choose to thank the Lord that I am single. I thank Him that I am nearly 33 and dateless. I thank Him that I have so much time that I can spend with Him (not that I do, but I could). And I thank Him for His goodness to me. That’s what I choose today.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go eat some chocolate and listen to Damien Rice.
1 comment:
Jana,
First off, I found your blog through friends of friends. You know how it goes in the blogging network. And I'm glad that I did. Your honesty and candor here is amazing. It's so refreshing to see honesty and the ablity to openly share what is on your mind, your heart, and how your not afraid to share your shortcomings in your time with God. Both this and your previous post are an example of this point. So I just had to say thanks for sharing your heart. It fires me up to share more of me not only on my blog but with others in general.
By the way, hilarious! I laughed out loud when I pictured you sitting watching this movie thinking about being in your thirty's. Although it's not something to laugh about when it's trying something you are wrestling through, it was simply funny to think about you finding joy in the happiness of Matthew and Kate.
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