My thoughts on surrender continue. Here's where I'm at now. How does one fully surrender? I know that it is unrealistic to want a formulaic, quick fix, easy 5 step guide to full surrender. Yet, according to how I live, that is what I want and seek. A quick fix or prayer to solve all my problems. I want the easy way. The one that doesn't take much of my time, thought, energy and overall effort.
But do I really want that? What would this relationship look like if Jesus consistenly doled out formulas to walking with Him? Something tells me that wouldn't be much of a relationship and any intimacy would be contrived. How would one grow if it were easy to follow Christ? And how would I ever experience His gentleness, His grace, His comfort etc. if life were struggle free? It has been in the midst of my struggles that I have found Him the most sweet. Would I really want to replace His loving, gentle touch in a hard, messy relationship with a simple, cold formula?
Of course, I know too well that that Jesus is not formulaic. He is a relational being and we are made in His image. It seems to be His plan that we learn and experience surrender in community and relationship with Him and others. Again, we are in a relationship. Relationships are hard and messy and time consuming and humbling and incredible and refining and wonderful, fun, adventurous, etc. Our relationship with Jesus no doubt has all of these characteristics. But here's the problem. Even knowing all of this, I still struggle to count the cost and fully surrender.
Perhaps the real question is this. Is there something lacking in my view of Him. Does my view of God effect how willing I am to surrender? Does my small, consumer oriented view of God cause me to be lazy when counting the cost of following Jesus? Does it make me less willing to fully surrender?
No doubt the answer to all of the above is yes. Look at the Biblical precedent. Paul. Isaiah. Moses. The woman at the well. Ruth. And so on. They all encountered God and lived surrendered lives. And for the most part, they didn't really seem to struggle with the surrendering. Not to say that they did not encounter struggles, they certainly did. But whatever the cost, they lived surrendered lives. Is it because they knew intimately Him whom they followed and knew His worth, even if it meant their very lives? Look at the apostles. They counted the cost and gave their lives. They knew Him and found Him worthy.
The problem is I am a consumer. I ultimately only come to Jesus because I want something from Him. In doing so, I fail to see His wonder, His beauty, His mystery, His worth. I've made Jesus, the King of all Kings, my own personal Santa Claus. And I've grown pretty adept at calling that intimacy. I am now finding that kind of intimacy... empty.
In my cloak of false intimacy I'm discovering that just maybe, I really don't know Him that well at all. And when intimacy is false, surrender is only a facade.
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