This was sung in church today.
I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing.
I've made mistakes
I've let my heart fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world.
And I know you can give me rest
So I cry out with all I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn.
I want to know a song can rise
from ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
'cause I'm worn.
I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know you can give me rest
So I cry out with all I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn.
I want to know a song can rise
from ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
'cause I'm worn.
-"Worn" by 10th Avenue North
I'm undone today. At times barely holding it together. Heart heavy with burdens - my own and of those I love. And tired. Tired of life being a struggle. Tired of life seeming so hard. Tired of brokenness and pain that follows. Today I need to know that redemption wins.
This is where my faith becomes real. This is when the Gospel travels from my head to my heart. Do I believe that God can save a broken marriage? Do I believe He can redeem hardened, scared, angry hearts? Do I believe he can heal deeply inflicted wounds? Do I believe He really can bring beauty from ashes even in the midst of Him perhaps still collecting the ash?
Is the Gospel really the power to save, not just for eternity, but for every day, every hour, every moment of brokenness and pain around us?
Do I believe He can lead me into life? Beyond just my un-extraordinary, at times happy existence, but into meaningful, purposeful life? Do I believe He hears our cries? That He answers prayers? Do I really believe He is our provider? Do I believe He can even redeem messes we have gotten ourselves into? Do I believe in grace? Do I really believe in the Gospel?
David did. And he knew a bit about struggle. I picture him writing these Psalms through his tears, barely able to speak.
"For your name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord ? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins." (Psalm 25:11-18 ESV)
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever." (Psalm 23:1-6 ESV)
It is hard to see future beauty when surrounded by the ash. It is hard to see anything positive at the bottom of the valley of the shadow of death. Sometimes we are just so consumed with the ash swirling in the air right in front of us, that we don't look up and see the bigger picture - that being in the valley is indeed a crisis and it is painful, sometimes deeply so, but it is a crisis of faith at its core. CS Lewis famously said, "God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." I think the question He is often shouting through our pain is, "Is your faith in Me big enough for even this? Do you really believe Me, trust Me? Are you willing to follow Me out, even if the way is treacherous?" It is a crisis of faith. And it is hard to answer in my weariness, when my flesh and heart are failing, when I long to be simply plucked out of the net and rescued from my distresses.
But in my weakness, He is strong. So I will choose to believe. I will cling to His scripture that says He will deliver. He will go before us. He will lead us to green pastures and still waters. I will believe the scripture that says He is near to the brokenhearted and that He is with us and that goodness and mercy shall follow and that He causes all things to work together for the good. I will believe that redemption will win. I will cling to Christ.
It is my only recourse. "Lord, where else would I go?"
