So, here I am sitting in a Barnes and Noble near the New Hampshire/Maine border. I came here today to get away from summer project for a while, to spend some time with Jesus and to do some planning for the discipleship/training appointments I have this week. Plenty to do so I gave myself plenty of time. 3+ hours in fact, before I had anywhere to be. Unfortunately I can’t really focus on anything.
Why is it so hard to spend time with Jesus when I have all the time to do it? Perhaps I came to the wrong place. No doubt this isn’t the best environment today. Sometimes I can pull off the coffee shop quiet time, but not today. And no doubt it doesn’t help that my table is facing the “Love and Sex” section of the bookstore and I’ve probably spent a good 20 seconds trying to decipher a book’s title (is it “Wild Sex” or “Mild Sex?” – as if anyone dreams of mild sex, although at 32 ANY sex would be good – and thus another 20 seconds of my life I’ll never get back).
I also have chosen today to once again break my caffeine addiction. The headache is coming on and should last through tomorrow. Therefore I have given myself a 2-day pass from all coherent thought. Expect some crankiness, mumblings, drooling and shaky hands during my detox.
Perhaps it’s the music I’m listening to. The soundtrack to “Sense and Sensibility.” It’s great if you haven’t heard it. Of course, in every arrangement I picture the movie and think through all the reason’s I’m like Elinor (Emma Thompson’s character). We’re both highly rational, full of hidden emotions, deep dreams and longings, and fiercely loyal to our sisters. And then we get to my favorite scene, when Edmund reveals he’s not married and loves Elinor and she unabashedly weeps with joy. Still waiting and hoping for that moment in my own life (OK, it’s a metaphor – not EXACTLY that moment).
Whatever reason I can come up with for having a hard time focusing on Jesus the answer is quite obvious. I’m distracted. I told you it was obvious. But the point is that there are a lot of distractions in life. And we have arranged our lives in such a way that makes it near impossible to quite the distractions. Solitude is indeed a discipline. One that I don’t practice very much. And really, I’m not sure if I would even know where to begin.
So here I am in the local bookstore, coming to grips with the fact that I like the distractions. I like them too much. The other night we sang a praise song about only wanting Jesus. If only that were true. I do want that to be true. He is all I need. I just wished my life more reflected that and I could quite all the crap that vies for my attention and my allegiance. After all, He is the only one worthy of both. He earned my attention and allegiance the hard way.
It’s time to turn the volume down.
