Starbucks and Toile

Ah, Starbucks. Vanilla Latte. Random Reggae music by Toots and the Maytals. Tracy Chapman, Bob Dylan and Alanis Morissette for sale on the CD rack. The perfect environment in which to work. Occassionally I like to leave the confines of my cubicle and go work in a cafe. Usually I am surrounded by other 20-40 somethings enjoying the corporate coffee world.

But today is different. In 1 hour I counted 6 sr. citizens enjoying their golden years (one proudly wearing his WW II vet hat as he should be proudly wearing it), 1 gentleman who looked like ZZ Top from the neck up and, well... my Dad from the neck down (khaki's, plaid button down shirt), and then their was the lonely 20 something dad of a newborn baby girl, pushing a ginormous stroller. Nothing wrong with that, it was just interesting. Usualy you see the frazzled and tired mom's in Starbucks, not the suddenly overwhelmed new fathers. And no ladies, he was not wearing a wedding ring. The plot thickens.

So what is it about people watching that is so facsinating that it can keep us occupied sometimes for hours? On one level perhaps it's just a distraction from doing the things we should be doing, a form of procrastination. Perhaps it is a selfish and arrongant way to feel better about myself ("At least I'm not like her."). Or maybe it's just a reminder to me that the old cliche is true - there really is a drama behind every face. We are complex creatures. There is a story to each life I observe. I wonder if the overwhelmed Dad is happy with life. Why is the guy in the cowboy hat embarrased to buy the Tracy Chapman CD and why did he quickly walk over and put it back? Is our own angst in life only because we spend so much time focusing on these little snippets, instead of the greater, larger story?

Really, I think people watching is facsinating because it reminds me that there is a larger story. Most of the time that's encouraging to me, especially when the snippet I known to be my current reality kind of, well... stinks.

I like Starbucks and cafe's. It's a good place to get some work done. And you should see what the guy who just walked in is wearing. Should guys ever wear toile shirts and tapered jeans that fall at the ankle? Is that a new trend?

You Are So Good To Me?

This past Sunday all was going pretty well for me. My hair and outfit for the day were in good order, I had chatted successfully with some friends, had my coffee and was now comfortably ready to sit through another 40 minute message. All was good in the world. It was at this point that the speaker put Phil. 4:6 on the screen. "Don't be anxious for anything but in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests known to God." Normally, I just keep listening. But this time I immediately thought, "Why? What good will it do?" That thought stopped me cold. "Where did that come from?" I thought to myself.

"What good will it do?" Had I really lost hope that my requests matter to God? Have I really begun to doubt His goodness to me? Do I really doubt that He cares? To be honest, some days, yes, I do doubt his goodness to me and I do occasionally feel like He doesn't care. How many times can you make the same requests known to Him, not see an answer, and still believe He cares? I don't know. How does prayer work anyway?

There are so many passages that say, "ask and you will receive" or "ask for anything in my name and it will be done for you" or "ask, believing that you have what you ask for, and you will have it" not to mention the old standby, "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Not to be boastful, but I feel like I've done this. So why don't I have the things I ask for? I just don't understand how this all works sometimes.

But I guess it still comes down to one thing. Do I trust Him? Do I trust Him with my life, to lead me in this journey? To trust Him, I have to believe in His goodness. And yes, I do believe in His goodness. He did save me after all. Intellectually I have no problem believing that He loves me and cares for me. And if I think real hard, I'm sure I could remember things in my life that serve as reminders that He is indeed good to me. My head knows His love for me and His caring of me to be a fact. My experience is what falters. My heart lags behind.

Maybe I'm just being a bratty kid who isn't getting what she wants. That's probably true. And maybe, just maybe, I've made this whole prayer thing a little too much about me. I still don't understand how it all works together, but with my mind, I'm choosing to believe in His goodness to me. I just wish my heart believed it too.

It's All In The Editing

http://www.ps260.com/elfollador/Scary%20Titanic.mov - Titanic
http://www.ps260.com/Trailer/westsidestorytrailer_small.mov - West Side Story
http://www.transbuddha.com/index.php/buddha/comments/5330/ - Psycho
and by far my favorite:
http://www.ps260.com/molly/SHINING%20FINAL.mov - The Shining

Apparently every year there is a "trailer editing" competitition to see who can most creatively re-edit movie trailers. I heard a story about this on NPR once. Apparently someone had re-edited the "Sound of Music" trailer to make the movie sound like a horror show. It was really funny. I'll try to find that one, but in the meantime, enjoy these.

Incomplete

I forgot to wear a watch today. I feel so naked. Thus my wardrobe and self image for the day are incomplete.